..Hi my name's Jo and I'm an alcoholic - Whoops, wrong site!! ..forgive my flippancy won't you. Despite my quirky sense of humour, I can assure you that my intentions are honourable and my reasons for being here are sincere. ..may I also make a polite request - if you can see my photo, I'd definitely like to see at least one on your profile, after all, it's only fair that you can see who you're talking to. ..if you also have some notion of how to introduce yourself with some level of civility, then you're definitely in with a chance.
..I'm sure you've already read a number of dull & monotonous profiles, so I hope mine isn't one of them but you know the dialogue 'off pat' now surely - single white female, gsoh, likes going to the movies blah blah blah...
..but who am I really - well roughly speaking, I'm a 29 year old woman stuck in the body of a 59 year old, wondering 'how the hell did that happen' & 'when did it happen' - besides that I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm looking for some male company, but not just any old male - in my dreams, you'd either be Sammy L. Jackson or Johnny Depp - however, I can't hold out for either of those guys any longer, they've had their chance
..like you, I have preferences, so don't hold that against me. Now what about personality traits, well that's an easy one - I'm partial to someone who can actually string a sentence together, a normal, fun loving, down to earth, non pretentions guy who has nothing to prove and is happy in his own skin with minimal emotional baggage - should I go on - 'No' I hear you cry.
Finally, don't be put off by my brashness, I'm really as cute as a kitten!
What do you like most about where you currently live?
..we're rarely troubled by crocodiles or any other annoying entities, apart from the odd Jehova's Witness..
What do you enjoy most about your current job?
..they didn't check my references..
What are your favourite leisure activities?
anaconda wrestling, white water rafting, skydiving, topless volleyball, mud wrestling, tightrope walking without a safety net, sneaking up behind people and shouting boo, watching paint dry
Where in the world are your favourite places?
..bed, narnia, tescos, bath, desert island..
Where in the world would you love to visit?
..the teddy bear's picnic and the mad hatter's tea party & the world of Mr Benn..
What would you do on an ideal date?
..have you accompany me to the teddy bear's picnic, the mad hatter's tea party or the world of Mr Benn of course..
What are you looking for in a partner?
..that he is of the human race, alive & male..
What makes a good relationship?
..generally two people..
What makes you laugh?
..myself mostly or someone else slipping on a banana skin..
What music do you like?
..chas'n'dave, vanilla ice, samantha fox, bucks fizz, clive dunn, max bygraves, milli vanilli, brotherhood of man...
What has been the highlight of your life so far?
all in all I'd have to say, being born...
What are you looking forward to in the future?
..managing to stay alive..
One of my favourite quotes...
I have no desire to look at flowers from the wrong end...
- Hair Light Brown
- Eyes Grey
- Height 5' 5" / 165cm
- Weight I'd rather not say
- Body type Slightly Overweight
- Glasses Sometimes
- Ethnicity White
- Stance Left of Centre
GCSEs / O levels
- Situation Employed
- Income between £20,000 and £29,999
- Have No
- Want I don't want to have children
- Home I neither own nor rent my home
- Live With Alone