About CheekyChimp

CheekyChimp is separated and is seeking females for friendship or a casual relationship.

 About me.

1st marriage we started drifting apart since we had our new waterbed delivered.

Then got divorced, married again, then divorced again, then had 13 short relationships, then married a Paraplegic who had no sense of humour or feelings divorced again for the 3rd time, then met a deaf one legged lesbian that also didnt work, then married for the forth time found out she was an arsonist lost my house, then married again to a 4"10 one eyed sex starved dwarf nymphomaniac that didnt work either when she found out i had 19 affairs and forgave me until she found out i was porking her mum she divorced me, then had a few flings and one night stands, got a job as a grave digger and had a few necrophiliac nights that was a dead loss then re-married my 1st wife again, and that didnt work once again, then married for the 6th time and i was happy at last, then went to jail for bigamy because i forgot to divorce my 1st wife for the 2nd time!

Im now on parole with a tag so can only meet within 5 yard radius!

AGAINST THE ODDS: This site has a ratio of 1000 men to 1 female. The chances for an unattractive paranoid schizophrenic psychotic depressed female to get a decent catch is 99% in their favour!

The chances of me meeting someone normal would be a miracle and less then below zero... the chances of meeting a demented stalking cRaZy escaped sectioned screwball emotionally unbalanced with a mental disorder wanted by the police is 99% certain in my favour of ending up with an extremely manic aggressive depressive fruitcake!

FACT: There is only sixty thousand orangutan's left in this planet and sadly will be extinct within 50 years, to make matters worse and is very very sad im stuck on this site with a load of apes! 

Looking for someone that can read write spell.. A person with a pulse and a heartbeat someone thats not on a life support machine wear an oxygen mask or have drips to keep them alive!

Someone thats normal with a brain cell: Thats Spontaneous: clean: smart: nice inside and out: intelligent: literate: sense of humour: attractive: employed: funny: hold a stimulating conversation without me yawning or slipping into a deep coma... must be witty and most importantly have all their limbs and not need the aid of a walking stick: Zimmer frame: need hip replacement: stuck in a wheelchair or in a sub normal concussional mode!

If you were stupid enough to read this far please dont mail me as i have serious doubt about the state of your mental health!

You have failed the test!

Goodbye!

Thank you for reading my profile. 

Enjoy your day!

Are you still reading my profile ?

God you must be stupid! 

 

A date on this site! 

Maybe i'm safer meeting up with the Grim Reaper.